21: Signing up for Target Practice

I seem to be a glutton for personal punishment. I feel a little like Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde …

There is the pep-talker, she sounds a little like this:

Come on, Krina, you can do this! You’ve got this in the bag – now get out there and keep your head in the game. GO TEAM!

(This voice last a short time – usually long enough to persuade me to share bad poetry. Which I immediately regret and wish to call back into my small bubble.)

Then there is the Heckler,

Yah – right. You can’t do this, you are years behind, and don’t get me started about talent – pah. Why do you think you have anything, anyone is ever going to want to hear? Seriously, start learning about data entry and get a real job. You over-the-hill hack …

(Yah, she’s not very nice – I kind of want to punch her too but for whatever reason her words echo about in my heart and tend to become louder and louder rather than the other way around.)

Despite this, I have continued to put my little attempts at poetry out into the world. Like little vulnerable glass jars – perfect for target practice. I ready myself for the shots, for the chips and broken fragments to fly.

But then … nothing actually happens. They just sit there collecting dust, a malignant growth of silence grows about my ears, and colours fade to a weathered grey.

This is worse than being shot to bits –this pallid nothingness sucks all inspiration out of the air, curdles passion, and creates the cavernous void in which the heckler’s voice resounds.

So – a person with grit would look further, try again, ask questions. Classes? Writer Workshops? Right?

Perhaps it is time to take my little jars to where they might make better fodder – despite the “no beginners shall enter here”* warnings, internals or otherwise. A little dusting perhaps is a good idea, a little elbow grease to bring out the gleam in the glass. Makes for a better target.

* I was looking into online poetry workshops – and a recommended board made it very clear that beginners should only enter if prepared to receive harsh critique. Sounds ….fun. (insert nauseous face here)

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