Step Seven: finding space

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Currently reading: The Making of a Story” by Alice LaPlante

Progress in Book: page 62

Writing exercises done:   1

Other Writing: a little, a very little

Finding a space and the time to ensure the completion of my goal is not a simple task. It isn’t easy to just shove another activity into an established pattern of behaviours.

Today, I am trying to write in my room – on the couch which, with concerted effort, I have cleared of the unfolded clothes, and baskets, and the remains of my days past. I opened the curtains to let the sunlight in, but now it is all brightness without the yellow warmth, and there is an ache behind my eyes I wish to block out. And although time has been abundant, I bounce around within it — feckless – meandering. I read some – I try to concentrate, I write some, erase much, and restlessly wander off to the kitchen for a snack. My attempt at “being intentional” seems to fit like a wool jumper – itchy and distracting. It is an awkward tumble of efforts today.

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This is not natural …yet. My knees and ankles protest at being so tucked in under the laptop– I think I need a table space. I can’t seem to find the right music – it is all pandering.

My mind is likewise jumpy and distracted. As a writing exercise, I am encouraged to “tap” into my internal “camera,” my data collecting inner intuition, and so it comes as no surprise that things begin to leak out. Things I am not yet ready to write about – they are perhaps some of the big things which will form my writing but today they are just “hauntings.” I find myself in silent conversations I have no means of actually having, I conjure up fictions in an effort to reconcile my feelings, and am caught off guard by intense imaginings about the future. This opening up to my mind is always a tricky business. That space behind my eyes still hurts, as do the spaces inside where light isn’t always welcome.

I find I have no comfortable place to write from today – but I suppose that is the truth about this pursuit, it has nothing to do with comfort and much to do with striving..

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